Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize