Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
