Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize