wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
