I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
