Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize