I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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