Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
