i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
