Your dad touched me again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
