ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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