Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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