Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
