Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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