i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
