If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
