I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
