Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
