perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
