i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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