The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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