Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Im part way to drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
