I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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