He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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