But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
