Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
