TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
