Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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