I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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