After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
