Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
