my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
