mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
