What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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