Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
