Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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