i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
