ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
