I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize