It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
