First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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