I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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