I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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