Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize