dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
