i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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