at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
