I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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