so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
