I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
