Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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