My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
