Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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