So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize