I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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