one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
