i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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