im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He shit in the fireplace
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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