That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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