I puked a lego.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
this hospital has no fireball
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
