I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
