i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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