Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I want a musical about memes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
