Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
