Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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