i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish i was in the wii world.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
