He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
