If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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