Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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