He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
