Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
